I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
