I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
