dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
