just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
