to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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