KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
