I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Me too!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
