Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
