i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
