i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Drake has all the answers
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
