Are we in a gay sports bar?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
