i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We had sex on a dog bed..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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