Swine flu. Run for my life!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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