Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
