No stitches, just platelets and will power
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
