i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
