So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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