The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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