Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Randomize
