hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
