My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
