Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
