Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
