I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Someone came in the potted fern
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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