I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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