Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
