just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
