i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
