I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Watching her eat just hurts me
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
