i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
