If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
