I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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