Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
