Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
