Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
