totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
