So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
