When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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