you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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