You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
