He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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