you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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