I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
