I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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