hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
