just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
this is an emotional support booty call
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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