Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
