Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
