sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
