Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
