I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
