Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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