He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
