I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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