i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
